Dealing With the Loss of a Spouse

By Pam Stone , BSW, Certified Case Manager (CCM) | January 26, 2026 |

“Till death do us part” is a part of most wedding vows, said during the joyfulness of one’s wedding day. However, when that death does occur, reality sets in.

The death of any loved one or close friend is difficult. The death of a spouse for many is a life-shattering event. How do I go on without my loved one? How do I move forward? What will my life look like from now on? For family members and close friends, who are also grieving, the question is often, How can I help? Eventually, the question may be, How long will it take for my mother, father or friend to get back to normal?

The answer to the last question is never. If your normal life was intertwined with someone you built a life with, life without that person has to be different. Different does not have to be devastating, although it may seem that way for a while.

If you are the surviving spouse, realize that your grief is unique. It will be very difficult. Be honest with your feelings. If your spouse was suffering, there may be some guilt in a feeling of relief that they are no longer in pain. You may have fear of the future. Who am I without my spouse? Do I feel guilt when I allow myself to feel happiness? Why are my family members able to get on with their lives and I can’t?

The questions, feelings and answers are different for everyone. Some red flags to be aware of can be isolating yourself from your support system; feeling hopeless for the future; and not taking care of yourself – or even turning to alcohol and drugs.

The timetable for grief is different for everyone. This can be frustrating for others who want you to move on. It is important for family and friends to be patient while being sensitive to the survivor’s needs. When does encouraging become pushing? Being there is important – listen when your loved one wants to talk. Share memories of the person. If they have their own health issues, be there for them. Practical ways to help are to keep in touch: include them in events that they have enjoyed in the past or offer a completely new experience; offer to go to appointments with them; be sensitive to how difficult holidays, anniversaries and birthdays can be.

It is important that prolonged grief may need to be addressed. It could indicate one is experiencing Prolonged Grief Disorder. This is a recognized mental disorder diagnosis that can often be treated by talk therapy.

There are many resources for those going through the loss of a spouse. Some suggestions are:

www.griefshare.org They offer resources and local support groups

aarp.org They offer online articles dealing with grief

Just know you can have a full, although somewhat different, life after the death of your spouse.

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